Watching VH1

One hot TriBeCa spring day, this dude was walking down Laight street, back when the scaffolding was still up and The Wetlands was still opened. Anyway he was walking down the block, talking shit, sipping a can of pepsi, when a bird rolls up and shit on his head. He was about to be really pissed when his friend says to him "Yo you know that's good luch right?" Naturally my friend didn't believe him, when suddenly he tripped and spotted a hundred dollar bill on the street.

Now naturally, you'd probably just think it was coincidence that something like that would happen, but a few days later, another bird crapped on his head, and later on that day his friend called him up inviting him to a Bikini Kill concert, because they were the shit in the 90's. At the concert, he was mingling, about to get a drink, when all of a sudden he bumped into the hottest indy girl there who wasn't even a lesbian (if you don't know Bikini Kill is so dykey it's not even funny). She was all "hey what's goin on?" They started talking , one thing lead to another, and the dude found himself with a date the next week.

At this point the dude was crazy with this whole birds taking a shit on his head thing. He was getting crapped on more than the germans in those Scheisse films, nahmean? He'd hang out at washington square park with the pigeons and the homeless people and feed all the pigeons, hoping they'd take a crap on him. He was fucking insane I swear to god.

The day of his big date he was freaking out, he was all "yo maybe if the birds shit on me I'll get laid tonight." So he went to the park to get the birds to shit on him again. Of course they did, it was like reflex now, after a week. So he went home, all proud of himself and whatever, but when he got home he looked through his things and realized "Oh fuck I have nothing to wear!" So he went to his roommate's room and on his dresser was a letter.

"Dude... There's shit all over your clothes, you're lucky I'm going to the laundromat today, but you're gonna have to hang out at home for a while cause you don't have any clothes."

Needless to say the guy was screwed. The girl was pissed he blew her off, so she never called him back. The dude, as messed up as he was, grew an obsession with her and kept sending her weird emo letters; needless to say they were as crappy as his clothing.

Don't go looking for luck, let it find you.